Throughout a lifetime, one will make many choices. Teaching children and youth how to make healthy choices is a crucial task to ensure they can navigate through difficult situations. In times of distress, making the choice to either seek help when needed or help others is critical to effective prevention and intervention against harm. Children and youth need to know that they have the choice to seek support and that it will be available when needed. Recognizing the factors underlying the decision to seek help (or not) and removing the barriers that hinder this process is necessary to ensure that appropriate resources are provided to them. For example, in order for a child or youth to make the choice of seeking help, they need to know that there is a supportive network available to hear this request, that the process is safe, and that effective help is on the way (Ungar, et al., 2009).

In times of distress, such as in the face of maltreatment, children and youth do not or cannot always make the choice to seek help due to a number of factors. Believing that support would be unavailable or that their request would be rejected is one factor that prevents children and youth from getting help after abuse (Smith & Cook, 2008; Sorsoli, et al., 2008; Ungar, et al., 2009). Not knowing how to convey their distress about what is happening to them and lacking information about what constitutes as abuse have been identified as other factors. Being threatened by the perpetrator to not tell and fear of what the disclosure process entails have also been cited as barriers to disclosure (Jensen, et al., 2005). The reasons to not disclose abuse are complex and diverse. It is important to keep in mind that the ones provided here do not represent a comprehensive list. Nevertheless, it is advised that children and youth need to be educated around issues of maltreatment in a developmentally appropriate way so that they have the framework and language to communicate these concerns. Furthermore, children and youth may feel shame or guilt around what has happened and it is imperative that they are reassured that the abuse is not their fault and that the decision to seek help is a correct one (Chan, et al., 2011).

Gender and culture can also influence children and youth’s choices around getting help when they are maltreated (Chan, et al., 2011; Sorsoli, et al., 2008). Male individuals may be more hesitant to disclose because they do not receive the same positive response as their female counterparts. Furthermore, gender may influence who individuals choose to seek help from. For example, more girls were found to disclose to parents and friends and more boys disclosed to professionals (Ungar, et al., 2009). Culture also shapes children’s decision-making process in significant ways (Fontes & Plummer, 2010; Shalhoub-Kevorkian, 2005). In a study on children’s responses to child abuse in Hong Kong, Chan and colleagues found that children hesitated to seek help for themselves due to fear of bringing shame upon the family. Duty to one’s parents, maintaining family honour, and obeying adult authority are societal norms observed in many collectivistic cultures and this significantly impacts how willing children are to seek help. In another study examining barriers to disclosure among children in the Palestinian-Israeli conflict area, participants voiced various sociopolitical concerns related to the ongoing conflict and their fears of how this would impact seeking help. It is important to keep in mind that children from war torn countries may have reservations around seeking support from authorities due to experiences in their home countries. Canada is home to diverse cultural groups and it is imperative that educators remain culturally sensitive and responsive to children from different backgrounds when communicating about how to get help. That is, even though the overall message to get help remains consistent, how this is communicated may need to be adapted to ensure it is effectively delivered to different cultural groups.

Another significant barrier impacting children’s choices around getting help is the lack of control around the disclosure and reporting process (Ungar, et al., 2009). That is, children and youth express that once they do tell, they lose control over anonymity and confidentiality around the content and the reporting process that unfolds does not actively involve them in the decision-making. If we want to instil in children the message to trust their intuition in situations of distress and seek help, their input throughout the entire process must be valued and their voices heard. Children should also be provided with clear and concrete information on how to access resources in times of need that are developmentally appropriate. For example, younger children may need more guidance in identifying what constitutes as a trusted adult to speak to or a safe place to go to and older children can be provided with a list of such resources to turn to when needed. Children and youth have expressed that when they perceive support as being effective, they would be more likely to choose getting help.

Getting help for others in need is also an integral part of making choices. As children become older, they are more likely to turn to their friends in times of distress (Ungar, et al., 2009). Providing children and youth with clear information around how to effectively respond to their friends’ disclosures and requests for help is necessary to ensure that appropriate support is provided to the individual(s) in need. Some youth have also expressed that their friends who have disclosed abuse have asked them to keep this a secret. Due to this, they are hesitant to seek help on behalf of their friends in fear of losing the friendship. Conversations around dilemmas like these are critical to ensure that concerns are addressed and that youth recognize seeking help is necessary.

Another area whereby the decision to seek help is important is in the context of peer victimization. Peer intervention has been found to be effective in stopping bullying (Cappdocia, et al., 2012). Researchers found that certain factors increase the likelihood of children and youth intervening in events of bullying. These include a strong sense of social justice, a positive attitude towards the victim, empathy and/or sympathy for the victim, and the experience of guilt for not intervening (Cappdocia, et al., 2012; Forsberg, et al., 2014; Pozzoli & Gini, 2012). Gender differences also exist in the motivation to intervene. In one study, girls who reported higher social self-efficacy were more likely to take a stand against bullying whereby for boys it was their degree of empathy and overall attitude towards bullying that predicted their intervention. Barriers to intervening include perceiving the bully or bullies as one’s friend(s), not perceiving the victim as being a friend, fear of the consequences of intervening, and transferring the responsibility to intervene onto adults or peers in assigned helping roles even if they are absent from the scene. Researchers have advised that peer victimization needs to be emphasized as a community problem whereby each individual has the personal and social responsibility to seek help for the victim. It is important to recognize that it may be unsafe for peers to personally intervene in instances of interpersonal violence and the most important thing peers should do is to get help from an adult. On the other hand, when the situation is perceived to be safe, peers can make the choice to personally step in and stop the bullying (e.g., when someone makes a mean remark about another in front of a group of people).

Finally, children and youth have also reported perceiving physical acts of bullying as being more severe than other forms (e.g., verbal, rumour-spreading, cyber-bullying, etc.; Forsberg, et al., 2014). Prevention and intervention programs around interpersonal violence must address this misconception and outline the harmful consequences of all forms of bullying. Furthermore, programs need to provide real-world scenarios reflecting the concerns expressed by children and youth around intervening so that they are equipped with the appropriate resources to address these situations. The most important message that needs to be conveyed is to seek help from an adult when witnessing interpersonal violence among peers. Providing children with an inclusive environment where they each play a role in building a sense of community may help to enhance their motivation to seek help for a peer in distress. It is important to emphasize that there are no ‘outsiders’ and that we all have the responsibility to help one another.

When in distress, making the choice to get help can make a world of difference. It is imperative to understand the barriers that hinder children from reaching out for support and to ensure that a safe space is provided for them to do so. Our job as educators is to ensure that children’s requests for help are met with appropriate and effective intervention that is child-centred and validates their concerns. Seeking help for others in need is the other important message that must be relayed to children and youth. When witnessing peers in distress, it is the responsibility of every individual to make the choice to help. To ensure that children and youth feel safe in their decision to do so, their concerns and hesitancy to intervene must be addressed in a non-judgmental space so that as a community, solutions can be provided to help them respond to difficult social situations. As human beings, the decision to seek help for ourselves and for others in need is imperative to our well- being and for building healthy relationships with those around us. When we provide children the opportunity to learn how to make healthy choices around getting help, we are providing them with valuable tools to navigate successfully through life.